talk, talk, talk

Calling your parents when you’re having problems at work, meeting a good friend for coffee to discuss your spouse’s bad habits or sitting down on the couch with a loved one to talk about your day makes a lot of people feel better. Knowing that there is someone who listens and understands is very important for many of us. However, there are also people who like to deal with their problems in solitude. They don't talk to others much and when they do it is mainly superficial.

Although for some of us a solitary lifestyle is what we want, these people should definitely reconsider talking to others about significant things. A recent study by a group of psychologists from the University of Arizona and Washington University in St. Louis has proven that talking makes us happy.

Yet, talking alone is not the key to happiness. What we talk about is important. If you meet an old school-mate on the street and you talk to him about what you do for a living and how many kids you have, that does not really make you happy, does it? Small talk doesn’t count. But what does count is a substantive conversation. If you talk to your friends about what bothers you, be it good or bad, you create an important basis for feeling happier. The results of this study show that there is a significant positive correlation between the number of substantive conversations and well-being. The more often you have deep conversations, the better you feel. Furthermore, the research group led by Matthias Mehl even found out that different personalities do not interfere with the results. This means that if two people with similar personalities choose different ways to live their lives, one having substantial talks and the other preferring solitude, the results were still applicable.

Many people just don't like talking to friends and family about their life, because they think they are a burden for those who have to listen or they don't like sharing personal experiences because they think that then their whole life is “out there” and people might talk about them. But they could always go see a psychologist. Nobody has to know about the regular visits and psychologists are legally bound to secrecy. Due to this study, psychological sessions have even more reason to be validated.

So, are you a person who likes to talk about substantial things or a person who likes to be alone? Either way, if you are happy, you've chosen the right path. No matter whether a study tells you to act differently or not. However, if you haven't tried talking to others about things that matter to you, give it a shot. It may even make you happier. And if it doesn't... well, there is not much to lose anyways, don't you think?