All you need is...

A CAT! Or, you know, two, or twelve, or ...

Image: catversushuman

Ah, young love. A new relationship is like an adventure on the open sea. Your ship, the soul of your adventure, has to face numerous dangers lurking beneath the sea’s calm surface before it sets course for love’s safe harbour. Once you dive head first into your adventure, you either immerse yourself into the passions of commitment and hoist the sails for a long journey, or you disembark with a blatant belly flop with a few bruises to show for it. 

 

Now, if you ask yourself what this preposterous seafaring metaphor has to do with cats, hold on, here it comes. The metaphor refers to a very special cat, my cat. Strangely enough, my cat, Siri, loves water. And wading through our pond. And fishing. (And eating her captives with relish). Isn’t she just the cutest? 

Last week, when I caught her wading among the reeds, nosing out her next victim, I was overcome by a warm and fuzzy memory. I remembered her first contact with water. My little cousin put her on a wooden board that lead across the pond. Siri was halfway between my cousin on the one end of the board and I on the other end, when suddenly she winced and fell. She got wet. And I got wet, too, when I pulled her out. Her kelly-green eyes stared right into my soul, and my brownish-green eyes stared right back. It was instant bonding. And instant scratches. 

Bonding is a central motif in our lives; human relationships are one side of bonding, relationships with animals are another. Regardless of the relationship you prefer, you wade through unknown waters at the onset. Either your efforts are rewarded, or they aren’t. Some way or another, you jump into the deep end. You don’t know what’s ahead; you just have to discover the secrets of bonding yourself (which may include a few bruises). 

There’s more to bonding than pulling someone out of a pond, of course. The same way you cannot force a person to love you, you cannot expect a cat to accept you as their companion. It takes time to develop conversance. You’ve got time on your side, but it also takes consistency. People need consistency, and so do cats. One way to a cat’s heart is through her stomach. Find out what she likes and feed her consistently. Cats worship food, most likely more than they do worship you. Believe it or not, you can ruin your entire relationship by choosing the wrong food or by not sticking to consistent feeding times. Only think of how you prepared dinner for your boyfriend of two weeks and screwed it up. Did he show up for a round two? 

Unlike a dog that loves his owner unconditionally and forgives any inconsistency, a cat won’t forgive as easily. Forget to scratch her behind her ear when she demands it, you’re in serious trouble. Your cat knows how to punish you for the crime you committed. And believe me, she will. A cat in a committed relationship knows her human partner inside out. She knows how to get back at you, and where it cuts deepest: she snubs. If you think it’ll pass, you’re wrong. She can go on for weeks. And to be perfectly frank, she’s got a point there: Why wouldn’t you want to briefly scratch her ear in order to say hello? Let’s face it, you deserve to be punished. 

In these weeks of punishment you will notice one thing: to never, ever, make the mistake of unintentionally ignoring her again. Since your cat knows you so well, she will deny you her attentiveness. She will not cheer you up when you’re having a rough day or when you’re stressed out over a paper you have to hand in; she will not soothe you to sleep, she will not nap on your lap while you’re watching TV, she will not share her spoils with you (not that you’d care to find a dead mouse on your kitchen floor, but you know), and she certainly won’t show you the slightest hint of affection. However, when she’s done bearing a grudge against you, she will let you know. You’re now allowed to make up for your crime against felinity. 

A cat’s psyche is as complex as a boyfriend’s psyche. What makes it even worse is the language barrier. Whereas your significant other can use any verbal expression to communicate their desires, the cat’s universal answer can only be “meow”. And since unspoken communication is the key aspect to any relationship, you need to learn how to read your cat’s wordless language. Cats (like boyfriends or girlfriends) are independent creatures; you have to respect that when they need to sleep twelve hours non-stop, you cannot simply interrupt them. In human communication a relationship is mutual. A cat does not always care about your willingness to talk to her about your day but she will talk to you about her day when she thinks you need to know. Respect that, she’s an animal, after all.

Comparing cats to people may seem like apples and oranges, but it really comes down to one thing in both relationships: trust. If your partner trusts you, the relationship is bound to work well; if you are able to communicate without words, then that’s a good sign as well. And if your partner can count on your consistent behaviour, things will work out just nicely. So why should it be any different with the relationship you have with your cat? Trust her, and she will soon trust you too.