In the introduction of my first post I mentioned that I don’t only take OeBB trains but also WESTbahn trains. I get lots of questions about the differences and which one I would recommend. The majority of Austrians seems to think that the WESTbahn is cheaper, more comfortable, always on time and in possession of friendlier staff. Well, I have been able to make my mind up since the beginning of January and I can tell you a few things about the WESTbahn trains themselves, its staff and punctuality; both positive and negative.
The first
big difference is the design of the bilevel cars. Shaped like the French
Transport Express Régional trains, both levels are connected by the WESTbahn
café. In comparison to the trolleys e-express, serving food on OeBB
trains, the prices at the WESTbahn café
are quite reasonable. You can get a pasta salad with grilled chicken for four euros
or you can get a cocoa for a euro. In case you decide to sit on the upper
floor, you feel like you’re on a boat rocking back and forth. But as soon as
you stop feeling queasy, you begin to enjoy the view: hitherto unseen gardens behind
noise barriers present themselves and sometimes their owners in the best light.
Unfortunately, the seats are not as comfortable as the ones on the OeBB-trains.
They are arranged in rows of twos, and eightseats per wagon are facing each other. Frankly speaking, the space between
each row is adequate, but one of my parent’s friends would have his
difficulties here due to his 180 kilos. And the WESTbahn cut down on tables as
well. With laptops getting lighter and lighter, the WESTbahn did not see any
need for tables between the seats that face each other. Besides, who needs
tables to work on a laptop anyway? Simply take your laptop in one hand, while
you peck at the keys with the other one. It’s a high-intensity workout, whose
effectiveness depends on the duration of your trip. But there is another
problem: since there are only open compartments, things could get a little
problematic if you can’t stand your fellow passengers' Viennese accent, with
its mixture of standard German and patois elements and completely ridiculous
intonation. Everything in WESTbahn trains seems to be Viennese; the staff as
well.
The WESTbahn
staff, dressed in colors that give them a glow-wormy appearance, is friendly;
at least most of the time. When the stewardesses are in a bad mood, which can
easily be explained by paragraph 54 article two in their contract of employment,
things can get pretty complicated. Paragraph
54 article two states that all WESTbahn stewardesses have to have a BMI of 18
or lower. They’re in a bad mood because they’re hungry! As far as stewards are
concerned, paragraph 54 article two states that all WESTbahn stewards have to
be 1.65 m or shorter. They're in a bad mood because they have to cope with their inferiority complex due to their height! When you get on the first class wagon, they admonish you that the
second class is in the back of the train. What a friendly way to tell people to
get the hell out of. Similarly, it is possible that some seats are reserved – I
want to quote here – "for your comfort" and remain empty the whole
trip, although a family with three children might be perched on the back bench
and would happily take the empty seats. But no, when the stewardess has decided
that the seats have to stay empty, they stay empty. Maybe these sadists once worked for the OeBB? I
don’t know. What I know for sure is that you can stay sitting in a reserved seat
on the OeBB when the person who has
reserved the seat doesn’t show up. In comparison to the OeBB, where it takes
the train conductor about twenty minutes to get to your seat and ask for the
ticket, one minute after you sit down a cloud of perfume wafts to your seat and
a WESTbahn stewardess purrs "New on board?" The WESTbahn stewards and
stewardesses are a new species. They are gofers: waste collectors, waiters,
train conductors and cleaners at the same time. Maybe that’s the reason why some
of them have to unload their anger on the customers.
The major
difference between the WESTbahn and the OeBB is the availability of wireless
LAN. While the OeBB sees no need to offer their customers such a service, WESTbahn
is proud to. But it’s hard to put promises into practice. I’ve tried various
times to become friends with the wireless LAN, but I unfortunately have not
been able to succeed in this quest because it’s too damn fickle! The bit rate doesn’t
seem to depend on the number of computers in wagon, but rather on the mood of
the wireless LAN itself. Yesterday, I had the same experience I’ve had many
times before again. Logging in worked perfectly, agreeing to the Terms of Service
and searching for a video on YouTube worked as well; everything seemed to be
fine. But then. After two seconds,
the video stopped and started buffering. Unfortunately, staring out of the
window and waiting for twenty did not change a thing. Drumming with my fingers
on my thighs for a minute didn’t change anything either. I stared angrily at my
computer screen; NOTHING changed. Again, I stared out the window and waited
until the next station. The video started again and… stopped after ten seconds.
Still full of hope that it might work in five minutes, I pulled my Kindle out
of my bag and started to read; one page, two pages, three pages. A quick glance
at the screen revealed that nothing had happened; the white and black
background still smirked at me. I continued devouring Das Känguru Manifest, where Marc-Uwe Kling criticizes
society through the eyes of a communist kangaroo, and then looked back at the
screen. Two minutes out of fifteen had loaded. Completely frustrated, I started
to work offline. And suddenly…. two minutes before the train arrived at my
train station, the wireless LAN had decided to work again. And YouTube worked
faster than ever before. What a kind gesture! Furiously, I switched off my
computer, stared out of the window and pulled faces. Although we arrived five
minutes early at my train station, I couldn’t wait to get out. Thank God, I could
take an OeBB train the next day, because
they have no wireless LAN to waste my time.
Photo 1: Andrea Mayer-Edoloeyi || http://www.flickr.com/photos/40327104@N08/6688611189/ || published under a Creative Commons license
Photo 2: proposed I solution
|| http://www.flickr.com/photos/proposedsolution/5186784701/ || published under
a Creative Commons license
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